Inside the Drinker's Studio - A special Q & drunk A with Ti

Waz asks Ti the tough questions. Read at your own risk...

Waz: Would you rather poop lava or Antarctic crushed ice? 

Ti: Easy, poop Lava. My body has become accustomed to Taco Bell. 

Waz: What is the meanest thing you have ever said to a family member? 

Ti: I am constantly asking my great grandma to take out her teeth for my enjoyment.

Waz: What is your favorite sex position and why? 

Ti: Reverse cowgirl. Because I am bossy and I love country. 

Waz: What is the most "mean girl" thing you did in high school? 

Ti: Made a girl drink a beer bottle full of hot piss. You should know, it was your idea.

Waz: Thanks man. Next question. When was the last time you cried and why? 

Ti: Last Sunday because they cut me off at the local tavern. DRUNK - CLICK HERE.

 Waz: If you had to do a three-way would you rather it be with another girl and a guy or 2 guys? Please explain. 

Ti: A girl and a guy. But she has to be Eva Mendes. Also I would get jealous if they started tea-bagging one another without asking me to spot.

Waz: What is the most embarrassing drunk text you've ever sent? 

Ti: When I told someone I loved them and they responded “Who is this?”

Waz: What is the most embarrassing way a guy has ever rejected you? 

Ti: When I gave an ex an ultimatum and he chose Porky the Pig over me. She was barely legal and speaks like the mother in the movie ‘Precious’. 

Waz: What is the best lie you've ever told to get out of a date/hook up/"relationship"? 

Ti: I lied and said I had the flu to get out of a date and the guy surprised me by showing up to my house with a care package. I wasn't really sick but choked down the mediocre soup and sent him on his way - I actually was just really tired/hungover from the night before because had been horizontal with a co-worker all night long. Ooops.

Waz: You're mean. Now name a hidden talent. 

Ti: Cat’s Cradle

Waz: You're on deathrow - what's your meal of choice? 

Ti: The chopped salad from Wildfire, Cheese fries from Portillos, the Filet Mignon trio cooked BLUE, additional side salad drenched in ginger dressing from Kyoto, and a dish called Sal Pancho that my Aunt makes. Is that what you meant by meal? 

Waz: Where do you see yourself at 30? 

Ti: Eating a grilled cheese with God, but if I do make it to see 30 then hopefully something of mine will have been published. 

Waz: Would you rather ride Batman for 24 hours straight while wearing a crushed velvet onesie OR sit in a 98 degree hot tub for 24 hours, wading in your own human soup? 

Ti: Steam clean my crushed velvet onesie baby. Either one would kill me, but I think I would last longer if I were hittin’ the streets of Gotham City at 60 mph upside down.

Waz: Most regrettable hook up story? 

Ti: No fucking way am I answering this question honestly. I will tell ONE of my most regrettable stories but not the grande mucho: I hooked up with a guy and then kicked him out of my apartment one fine evening. I woke up the next morning to pots and pans being re-organized in my kitchen cabinets. I have never jumped up so fast in my life. When I ran into the kitchen and asked him what the fuck he was doing in my apartment and how the hell he got in he responded, “Hey babe, I just wanted to surprise you with a hearty breakfast. I rode my bicycle over with a backpack full of your favorite foods”. The stranger proceeded to make me burnt scrambled eggs and put them on a flour tortilla shell with a side of furry blackberries. He handed me the plate and with a look of disgust I choked it down then politely asked him to leave. This time I made sure that I dead bolted the door behind him. What was he thinking breaking and entering for the shittiest breakfast I’d ever had? Whenever my friends tell me “breakfast” is at the bar, I choose to stay in. 

Waz: How many kids do you want? 

Ti: I would like 4 little assholes: 3 boys and a girl.

Waz: Would you rather go down on Rosie O'Donnel after she's been on a 9 mile jog wearing Hanes his way sweatpants OR go down on Oprah after she's scissored Gale on a humid afternoon in Florida? 

Ti: I just had to wipe my dinner off of my keyboard thank you very much, but I choose Oprah. She is so rich I would probably find a 6 carat diamond up in her chocolate. And since I would already be down on one knee, I would probably pop the question. 

Waz: How would you spend your last day on earth? 

Ti: I would host my own funeral: Gather all of my loved ones together and throw a huge bash in remembrance of ME. Then my surprise guest would be Beiber and I’d make him take a shot of tequila out of my belly button.

Waz: What is the sexiest song to get groovy to? The Least sexy song to get groovy to? 

Ti: SEXIEST-Slow Motion by Juvenile featuring Soulja Slim   Sex Please - CLICK HERE.   

LEAST SEXY- Uncle Kracker- Follow Me Keep Your Sex to Yourself-CLICK HERE.

Waz: Are you better with your hands or mouth? 

Ti: Mouth 

Waz: If you landed in prison for life would you become a lesbian or celibate? 

Ti: Lezzy, I’m sure I could find myself a saucy little Latina.

Waz: What is the cutest thing a guy has ever done for you? 

Ti: The first time a certain someone told me that he loved me he went out in a blizzard and wrote “I LOVE YOU” across an entire pond. He ended up falling through the ice and his dog had to help him out. When he came inside he was covered in blood from cutting his hand and stood there in his soaking wet frozen clothes. I fixed up his hand as he told me to look out the window at his love snow poem. Clearly he got lucky that night and then he made me a nice steak dinner. Ahhh young love.

Waz: Sucker. Next. Scariest near death experience? 

Ti: Every time I drink with you. Waz and Ti Drink - CLICK HERE.

Waz: What is a herd of unicorn called? 

Ti: A God Damn Blessing. And a one humped camel is called a dromedary. I can do this all day long baby. 

Waz: Dream wedding? 

Ti: See the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part One 

Waz: If you could quit one vice what would it be? 

Ti: Turning into a T-Rex when I’m drunk 

Waz: Would you rather have chronic BO or chronic bad breath? 

Ti: Both are terrifying, but I pick chronic BO. Crossing my fingers showers, deodorant, and perfume will still help me get laid. 

This concludes our talk with Ti. All questions, comments and judgments can be directed to your nearest landfill.

WAZ